Kaye's Days

This post was inspired by a blogger/writer I follow. I was going to skip over it, but I figured it can’t hurt. Can always try, right?

I stopped making New Year’s resolutions years ago because I never followed them. In fact, I only ever made them for school assignments and I usually faked them because I had none in mind. I’m the same way with goals. I rarely reach them, though I have some better luck with goals than with New Year’s resolutions. I used to have a “to-do list” page, which I got rid of because I eventually stopped caring about most of what was on there.

The above said, I would be lying if I claimed to have no goals for this year. However, the big goals are luck-based and dependent on whether I graduate school and find a job in the field I’ve been studying. I feel it’s pointless to bother writing them out since, based on my life’s history so far, the most basic goals get deterred somehow. To name some: I graduated high school a year late (forced to transfer), didn’t return to college until age 24 (had to wait until I could claim independence for FAFSA), didn’t get my first job until 22 when I wanted one at 16 (family did not allow me to work during high school), and more I just don’t want to remember right now. Point is life has never gone as planned for me (if it had, I would’ve grown up in my hometown instead of moving more than literally a dozen times), so I have no reason to trust it will now.

Heck, the new year itself didn’t start off well. I mistakenly broke my phone yesterday, the first day of the new year, and today, my train to school was cancelled, meaning I had to pay $19 to take a Lyft ride to be on time. If that’s my start to the new year, should I bother with goals under the assumption anything will go as planned? Truthfully, I’m likely an idiot if I think so. Actually, I’m an idiot even if I don’t. And I don’t.

The writer of the post I linked talks about his goals specifically for 2019 rather than goals that can span over more than one year. So, I’ll go with that. That’s the idea with most of my goals anyway. I don’t have much confidence I’ll keep them, but I’ve always found writing what’s on my mind to be cathartic. Plus, maybe with my work hours cut down, things will be somewhat easier.

• Make this blog more active. In my defense, the reason this blog is slow is I struggle to think of topics to write. A “slice of life” blog is a very open subject, but “wake up, go to school, go to work, study, sleep, repeat” isn’t an interesting topic for repetition. I used to make up for this by having days dedicated to certain ideas, but I lost track and eventually stopped bothering to keep up with them. I’m happy this blog is still alive, and I’d rather have slow years than nothing at all, but I’d still prefer an active blog. I don’t have a schedule worked out yet, but I’ll see what comes to mind later on.
• Climb my way out of credit debt. Half of this is school costs and the other half is my fault. Retail therapy is real! The stress over the holiday retail craze resulted in me developing a shopping addiction. I can do this without getting a job in the field I’m studying, but that’ll make it much easier.
• Get my driver’s license. For those wondering why I’m almost 25 and don’t have my license, I never cared because neither my family nor I could ever afford a car. Taking public transportation doesn’t bother me (when it works! Screw you, NJ Transit!) because it’s how I grew up, so I’m accustomed to it. But when your home, your school, and your job are in three different cities, it adds up quickly. Granted, the costs are probably ultimately still cheaper than a car, but at least I won’t have to count on someone else’s car if I’m running late (thank you, Lyft!).
• Keep up with medical appointments. Oh, boy! Well, I started with this one last year, but only with the dentist and optician. I need to visit the regular doctor and I need to go to Planned Parenthood. Especially PP since my relationship with my boyfriend is only progressing further. Right now, however, I just want my teeth fixed!
• Cool my temper. Like mother, like daughter. My temper needs to go on ice! I’ve been working on this one for a few years, but 2018 pushed me to the limit and undid my work. Granted, the things I explode over are usually justified (the worst was a case of unfair/unkind treatment by one of my bosses, though we made up over that because his friend got us together to talk about it), but exploding is tiring! My head hurts! That said, watching someone else drop F-bombs is hilarious.

I have more than that, but for 2019, I will stop here. I won’t post the rest because those are the luck-based ones, and it’s possible they won’t be accomplished within 2019. If they’re not luck-based, they’re ones I’m almost guaranteed to eventually lose interest in, so I won’t bother writing them.

I can’t say I’m optimistic, but let’s see what, if anything, worthwhile happens this year.