Well, That Was A Bust

Rarely do I prove myself wrong within a week’s time. That happens a lot, but rarely within a short time period.

Okay, not totally wrong. The YNAB software is still okay, though I find myself not really caring for their rule of “give every dollar a job”. Lately, I leave money to be assigned because I’ll move it sooner or later.

I’m referring to the YNAB community. That proved to be a bust. Of course, maybe my mistake was trusting Reddit. Yes, them.

The story here is YNAB, for a reason I’ll never understand, auto-imported the interest on one of my credit cards… two days late. I asked a question on the YNAB subreddit about why YNAB thinks the interest was unpaid for when that’s exactly what the credit card payment (that YNAB never auto-imported; I find that interesting) would cover.

Apparently, I should’ve spoken in kindergarten terms.

Every. Freaking. Answer to my question was made with the assumption 1) I couldn’t have possibly made the payment after the interest charge and 2) I was mad about it. “What the actual fuck” is an understatement. I was already on edge with this community because someone condescendingly asked if I’ll really not spend any money in two days (just because that’s beyond your capabilities doesn’t mean it’s beyond mine), and this event murdered any and all desire to be a part of this community. And of course, I was the bad person for finally snapping and getting frustrated over needing to repeat myself no less than ten times. Sheesh.

The real answer turned out to be YNAB can’t recognize charges like that. All charges are treated like I bought something. Why someone couldn’t say that and call it a day is beyond me.

Mint does this same thing, but worse. Mint takes away any charges after the payment from the payment. So, even if I put $200 on my credit card, if I charged $10 to it a week later, Mint will think that $10 came from the $200 payment and say I paid only $190.

That’s… that’s not how credit cards work. And people pay for these intellectually stupid apps?

Yes, they do, including me. Well, I said their customer service was great. You see what three years in retail did to me?

In the end, I fixed the problem myself, but it took me well over an hour to get it sorted. I ended up leaving a 1-star review on the Android app for the frustration. Maybe I should’ve asked customer service to start with.

I’ve gotten somewhat hooked on their videos and guides, and I’m interested in their book. I wish, however, their “inspirational” stories didn’t consist of people making over twice my salary and six figures. I’ve been homeless. My family lived on waffles and water one summer when I was a teenager. We lived in crap apartments all our lives. I am not inspired by people whose biggest problems in life amount to having too much money, and they needed YNAB to know how to plan their sixth vacation of the year.

Where are stories about how YNAB helped someone living on less than $20,000 a year? Helped someone budget the tiny bit of spending money they have left after bills? Heck, I’m not a fan of teenage parent stories*, yet I’d prefer those to “we make $200K and don’t know what to do with ourselves”. Tell me how YNAB helped a college student from a poor background not live on ramen noodles.

(*I feel they’re “glossy”, to say the least; I recently read one from a woman who had her first child at age 13, and let’s just say I’m not a fan of the idea that 13-year-olds, or teens of any age, who don’t become parents are, ahem, immature. It does make me wonder if I missed out on something, though. I’ve never had the desire to be a parent, but I briefly had baby fever as a teenager. What? I’m human. I like praise and presents as much as everyone else.)

I’ll continue to use the software, but my very brief time with the community is done. At least, on Reddit. YouTube is rather good. I can’t believe I said that.

The Autobiography of a Self-Proclaimed Monster

As my lack of posts may indicate, my life hasn’t recently been eventful. That’s a good thing. Some things happened, but nothing I deemed worth posting about. Unfortunately, yesterday, I found something to rant about.

Yes, “unfortunately”. That’s why it’s a rant. But it’s a topic that boiled me.

I talked about the childfree subreddit two years ago, and why I’m done with it. However, I’m still part of Reddit, and every so often, that sub comes up. Today, a post (that has since been deleted, but is still viewable) was made that’s a clear reminder of why that sub is deserving of the immense hate it receives in other places.

I can’t tell you why I chose to write about this, of all things. Maybe I’m too sensitive. Speaking of which, I will give a warning for sensitive material. Please read no further if the subjects of narcissism and abuse are a trigger for you, or if you recently ate.
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Disconnected

I want to emphasize I am not perfect, I never claimed to be, and I know I never will be.

However, I find the older I get and the more I learn about my family, the more disconnected I feel from them. This is especially true of my father. It amazes me how I had the best relationship with him as a kid, but as an adult, it’s the polar opposite. I suppose that’s the curse of losing one’s innocence.

The biggest barrier is my attempts to learn financial responsibility. It really astounds me no one – absolutely no one – in my (immediate) family has any clue about finances, and at this point, it’s now a case of being unable to teach an old dog new tricks. My biggest mistakes – attending college when I wasn’t ready and financing my first car with a co-signer – came out of pressure, but the upside is those mistakes made it abundantly clear my family, no matter how much I love them, are not the people to go to for life advice. Regarding cars particularly, knowing about them does not correlate with having any financial sense.

For the record, I am aware financing a car can be a good decision. However, my father makes barely more money than me (I bring in roughly $2K a month), but his car payment plus insurance nearly equals my household’s rent. And in all the years he had to save money with his late girlfriend paying most of their household expenses (including rent), he never did. Simultaneously, my dad complains constantly he hates living with his dad. Find the problem.

I taught myself planning, budgeting, and saving, and as of late, I’m learning about investing, which a good friend got me started on. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But I reached the point I’m able to plan out a month’s worth of expenses, and move them around as needed. Though I have a bad habit of frivolous spending I’m trying to kick, I stick to my budget, including savings, and I don’t sacrifice bills for pleasure. The bit of money I spend frivolously is the remainder after all my week’s expenses are paid.

It’s indeed strange to be berated for trying to be responsible, and I feel the more I try to pull myself together and recover from my mistakes, the more distant I grow from my family. It’s truly not something I like, but have no clue how to fix. How do you re-connect with people you can’t talk to, you can’t look up to, you can’t trust with advice? I don’t mean my personal goals. I can’t talk to them about the future, about finance, about feelings, about anything. How do I re-connect without feeling like I’m making myself small?

If you know, please teach me.

I Am A Terrible Friend

Friends are supposed to be happy for each other, not jealous for what the other has.

I am always happy for my friends when good things happen to them. But I can’t lie. I’m jealous of them too.

My friends, who have wonderful spouses who stick by them, who make them part of their family (married or not), who keep their spirits high, who smile for them.

And I will never have that.

Once upon a time, we had “too much history”. Now, the reaction to anything is to break up. While I blame myself for being naive, I couldn’t have imagined every supposedly loving thing he ever said was a lie.

I made the mistake of mentioning I was invited to an NYE party and wanted to go. The party was never a certain thing, and it ultimately seems it’s not happening, so I’m not going. But the mere possibility had me banned from his home for an unspecified amount of time because – as he always says – he and they “aren’t taking any chances”.

Despite he took a chance when we to an airBNB in April, and he smoked with the hosts.

Despite I went to the beach twice and attended a neighborhood fireworks party for July 4th.

Despite I stayed four days a week ago.

Despite I’ve been exposed all year due to my job, though he believes my job requiring masks negates the numerous (over a thousand) employees kept in the building at any given time… and that multiple locations, mine included, have had multiple outbreaks. My job is also not clean and I touch countless filthy surfaces and items. And there was a four hundred employee outbreak I was never aware of.

But masks mean that outbreak, and me having no idea who or what I’ve been exposed to, doesn’t terrify him (despite it still happened?).

It’s extremely interesting to me I care only about myself in his eyes after I spent money to travel to be with him, and for food, and for a few gifts (one of which was expensive). I wouldn’t have done that if I could’ve foreseen this.

I vented to a friend, who agreed about the party, but disagreed the freaking out was justified.

I tested negative twice, I never intended to visit him if the party happened anyway (something I had to yell multiple times, and he still didn’t hear until I spelled it out for him), and I planned to get tested after the party if I went. Although, he’s made it clear a negative test means nothing to him. My being is still to be feared.

Unless I’m spending money on him, it seems.

His only response is “everyone is struggling”. This seems to be the equivalent of “crabs in a bucket”. He and everyone he knows is miserable, so no one is else is supposed to try to do anything to stave off depression?

Ironically, this is the person who tries to convince me I shouldn’t take my life and it’s worth living. Seems he finally shut up about that.

He also once complained I make him out to be “the bad guy” to my friends when I vent to them. Interestingly, my friends have never ostracized him like he had his family do to me for something that hasn’t happened. Oh, and one of his siblings stole money from me.

I thought he came to the hospital after the bus collision because I was wrong about him not caring. No, he came only because the hospital mandates masks.

I’m now, in his eyes, the same as his worst ex.

His worst ex assaulted him, and caused him a nervous breakdown that resulted in him staying in a mental ward.

I wonder if I was the same as his worst ex when I came for Thanksgiving after testing negative twice.

Note the date: December 23rd. A week ago. How quickly things change.

But maybe the following image is less surprising. Things can change in years.

Text messages I kept in an email draft to remember. The headline of one is “he loves me”.

I think this year took the love with it.

To my friends, though they don’t read my blog, I do apologize for my feelings of envy. I wish them nothing but long and happy lives with their spouses. They absolutely deserve their spouses, and their spouses, for being the amazing partners they are, deserve them.

Please never stop caring for each other. I am always happy for you.

As your friend, always.

I Lost Myself

A warning for this post being extremely personal. I’m wary of posting such things on my blog, but there are times I cannot say what’s on my mind to someone who will listen because the words won’t come out the way I want them to. I am fine with this post being read – I wouldn’t post it publicly otherwise – but if my deepest thoughts are uninteresting, I heavily advise skipping this post because it is depressing and very long.

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