She Will Have Me Crying

Today, my school clinician gave me some graduation gifts. A box with little messages inside, a card she’s written, and a box of scented candles.

She’s the first therapist in school I had that I really liked. It always feel like going to see a friend rather than going to a scheduled appointment. We have serious discussions on occasions, but we’re usually just chatting and laughing together. Today, I showed her some characters I made.

After I graduate, I stay in the therapy center’s system for an additional year, so I have one more year with her. I thought that was the strangest thing I’d ever heard, but I’m not complaining!

I’m certain I’ll be fine at the graduation ceremony, but if I cry over anyone, I know it will be her. Out of everybody I’ve met in my entire school life, she’s probably my favorite. I can’t be in therapy forever and I know I’ll have to leave her eventually. Our ages are too vast for any kind of friendship. Still, it’ll be hard. I’ve never had too difficult of a time leaving any school, but she’s going to have me crying an ocean.

I Guess She Has A Point…

I saw my therapist in school this past Thursday. I didn’t really have much to talk about. Besides the finals, there was nothing going on and I didn’t feel like talking about finals anyway. She did try to convince me to join the summer program, but I declined. It’s not that I don’t want to see her. It’s just I’ve lost interest in “summer camp” and even though each day would only be 10 AM to 2 PM, the kind of activities they apparently have┬ádon’t really appeal. If she keeps bugging me, however, I might give in.

I have to wonder if she was a little under the weather because she was a little…snippy.

First, I asked her, for no real reason, if a blood clot could kill you. She said it could. But, for some reason, added on, “Or you could go into a coma and have other people wiping your a** for you!” BAD!! That was NOT an image I needed in my head! Why she chose to add this nasty detail is beyond me, but I’d rather not ask. Like I did the question that initiated this response.

But the real “snippiness” began with a song I played on YouTube on my (school-issued) iPad. Since we weren’t really talking about anything, I figured it would be okay. The song I played was Grenade, a version sung by Ariana Grande (who also plays a role in one of my favorite shows). I was listening to a lyric video. Basically, the song is about how the singer would harm herself and die to protect her lover, despite that he wouldn’t do the same for her and is abusive toward her.

I regret playing that in her office so much! My therapist practically went on a rant about how ridiculous the song was! She even went so far as to insult Ariana, who hadn’t even written the song! Since her last name is Grande, my therapist asked me if I knew what that meant. I told her I did (Grande means “big”) and also pointed out that “Ariana” means “gift from God”, meaning her name meant “big gift from God”. My therapist decided no. Ariana’s name meant “big retard”. No matter how many times I exclaimed “It’s just a song”, she didn’t seem to get it. So I finally just played another song called Generation Love (sung by Jennette McCurdy), which was about helping society and loving each other. Fortunately, my therapist approved.

I suppose she does have a point about the song. It is rather over-the-top and, as she pointed out, does the give the impression that the singer is suicidal. But still, it’s just a song! Many songs are over-the-top and Grenade is not the worst I’ve heard. Far from it.

If there is one thing I learned from that particular appointment, it’s that my therapist, though not her “default” personality, can be quite the judgmental b/witch. Perhaps she was joking, perhaps she was not, but I think I’ll be more careful about any music I play in her office from now on.