Birthday Planning

My birthday is coming up in ten days. In ten days, I will be at the law’s legal drinking age. Not that it matters because I don’t plan on drinking anyway.

I’ve saved up enough money for Red Lobster and my uncle is taking me. I prefer to go on the weekend because my birthday falls on a Monday, but he’d rather go after school at night. I do not like being out at night. I’d prefer the crowd over the dark.

All I originally wanted was to eat out, but I discovered a Frozen cake at a ShopRite, so I’m ordering it for my birthday! According to Sunny (yes, it seems he’ll answer most questions), those types of cakes do not take long to bake. I want to have it by the 24th or 25th, and I plan on inviting my best friend over for some.

In more Frozen-related news than my birthday, Target sells three-foot tall dolls of Anna and Elsa. I wish my room wasn’t so small, but I will get them someday. Hopefully, before the year ends. I already have enough money to get one of them, but that would mean no birthday lunch. As much as I love Frozen, the queen and princess of Arendelle will have to wait! Birthday first!

I didn’t get that book, but I don’t really care. I might not get it all, really.

Taking Care of a Grumpy Bear

Today, I went out with my boyfriend. We try to do something different everyday, so we hung out at my favorite plaza in the next town over. While I enjoyed myself (and, hopefully, he did too), I started to become tired as time passed and my legs got sore.

Unfortunately, tiredness plus soreness equals grumpiness. Naturally, I wasn’t in the mood for any kind of affection and started rejecting him. Rejection isn’t a bad thing, but what I’m really not proud of is that I started raising my voice at him over every little thing he said, even when he was trying to help. On top of that, when we finally left the plaza, I was so tired, I was stumbling like a drunk person and I still was rude to him, despite that he essentially kept me from walking into traffic more than once.

Nevertheless, he was patient with me. He didn’t yell at me once and still protected me from potentially hurting myself by accident. In fact, he was smiling most of the time, as if I wasn’t even bothering him.

Any other person would’ve decided “screw you” and left me there alone. When I was still talking to Emmi, he once told me he would throw me out of his car if I ever ticked him off, even if we were in his town (which I’m unfamiliar with) at night in the middle of the road! Of course, I wouldn’t purposefully try to anger anyone and I feel terrible about how childish I behaved, which is why I’m very grateful Jia didn’t leave me.

Later, we talked about it and he said that’s a silly thing to leave someone over. He even flat-out said Emmi was an idiot for saying what he did to me. Having had a number of people walk out on me for having a bad day or being frustrated, I was surprised by Jia’s point-of-view.

We’ve only been together for a month, so I don’t want to get too far ahead, but I really hope this lasts. However, time will tell.

I’m So Confused…

Somehow, I managed to get a boyfriend. I’m happy about that and, better yet, my feelings for Emmi are fading. I admit I’m still occasionally tempted to try to mend things with him, but I never act on it. I don’t hate Emmi, however. I do hope he’s doing well.

Getting to the point of this post, Jia (again, I know it’s a female name, but it was considered unisex on the site I got it from) and I met up yesterday to hang out together. This is the third time we’ve met up, but unlike the previous two times, we got “intimate”. I put that in quotations because it was really Jia kissing me all over my face and neck, and feeling me up. I admit I liked it, hence why I allowed him to continue doing it, but the point of this was to try to arouse me. He certainly got aroused (if his breathing growing heavily was any indication), but I merely sat there and wondered what the heck I’m supposed to do.

As I said, I liked it, but I was not aroused at all. It simply felt good and he wasn’t hurting me. It also felt strange, I’ll admit, but still good. I told him I cannot be aroused and it seems he took that as a challenge. He wants to find what can arouse me. I told him, “Good luck.”

I’m not sure if he noticed or not, but, in spite of liking what he was doing to me, I was more interested in the park we were in than his attempts to arouse me. I paid more attention to the other people in the park, their dogs, the plants, the birds, the dirt,  and even the sunlight. Whenever someone walked past us, especially a child, he stopped. I would secretly hope more people would walk by so there’d be an excuse to discontinue his…umm…acts (I don’t what you’d call a bunch of kissing that’s not on the lips). Of course, I could’ve told him to stop too, but I wasn’t disinterested in him. I merely found the park more interesting.

That’s confusing, isn’t it? Yeah, I think I understand why Emmi got fed up. I would’ve driven him up a wall.

Some other things I don’t understand. Jia likes my stomach and repeatedly called it “sexy” and I think he also said it was tight. My mental reaction was basically “umm…okay.” I didn’t get it. It was just my stomach. The same stomach I’ve had since I was born. Was it supposed to be something else? When he was feeling me up, he also said my nipples were hard, which he said means someone is aroused. My reaction to that was the same as my reaction to him liking my stomach. Nothing on my body felt any way than it usually did. Honestly, I wish I could’ve felt whatever he was feeling because I do not get it. I really don’t. I’m also not understanding what is so attractive about my neck. Or my shoulders. Or my hands, which he also kissed. Or my bra straps. Well, okay, I kind of understand the last one since it holds my breasts, but he also liked the bra itself. Aren’t I the only one supposed to like that?

As the title says, I’m so confused.

No Boys at 19?

Too bad, Grandpa.

I’m going to a friend’s house today to celebrate her birthday (which is actually on Monday, but we have school). She, and a few other friends, are picking me up. My grandfather wanted to know who’s driving the car, so I said her mother. His response? He doesn’t want me getting in the car with any boys.

Yep. I will be 19 years old on Saturday and he still doesn’t like the idea of me being around boys. And frankly, I don’t give two cents.

Yet, at the same time, he wonders why I want to move out. As many problems as my mom may have, overprotectiveness isn’t one of them. It was ridiculous at 16 and it’s even more ridiculous at 19.

The irony is there is no boy I’m interested in. I’m bi-romantic, but so far, there have only been girls I was interested in (for a short time). No boys. Not one. Of course, he doesn’t know that and he never will.

Reason #220 I Like My Summer Program Counselors More

They don’t make us change our clothes for occasions where it’s not necessary.

Apparently, my grandfather thinks dinner at any place outside the house is fancy because people will be around. I just changed into a different shirt and different pair of jeans. My grandfather may as well be blind. Everybody knows me and has already seen me. In short, they don’t care if I’m in the same clothes or not.

And I don’t think I should be going by an old man’s definition of “cute”.