Graduation

April 9th was the night of my graduation ceremony. My boyfriend, my best friend, my mother, and my sister attended. The latter two invited themselves, but I didn’t want to argue and they behaved. The ceremony was no more than an hour long. I didn’t receive any awards, but I did walk across the stage and receive my certificate in the end. One of my classmates (who did receivpe awards) told me not to feel bad because the awards are superficial anyway. I suppose she’s not wrong, but I still wish I got something for a special achievement.

Minus that, it was a proud night. Pictures were taken, and I got one with my boyfriend and best friend together, which is my favorite. I said I wanted to graduate college. Trade school is close enough. And I didn’t have to go for four years (or two)!

That said, though I’m glad I finished and went back despite the mishaps, I am very happy it’s over! No more school! Ever!

I am really not photogenic. Cameras hate me.

From Dropout To Graduate

My first day of my internship was yesterday. The day went well! The only annoyances were the school bell, which I’ll get used to, and the teacher next door who wouldn’t stop yelling at her class. Apparently, it’s a remedial class for students with behavioral problems. Not sure how yelling cures that, but that’s not my department!

Minus that, the day was perfect. Aside from the above, the whole day was peaceful and quiet. I had a partner to work with and, after we were told what we had to do, we were left to our own devices in an office-like space. We spent the day testing out hard drives and monitors, and installing Windows 7 images. Half the time was spent waiting for the installations to finish, so we played on our phones in the meantime. Got to have our lunches when we wanted and left at 2:30pm. I realize it was only the first day, but if that’s a glimpse of our day-to-day work, I could used to it! No customers, nothing hectic, no loudness (for the most part), no phones ringing every half hour, no standing for 6 to 8 hours. It was bliss. If only I got paid.

When I came home, I had an envelope from my school. Inside was the announcement for the graduation ceremony, and the form needed to RSVP. I immediately requested the day off work, and since it’s two months ahead, I’m not worried about the request being rejected. But if it is rejected, I’m calling out! The program may have been less than a year (including internship, nine months), but that’s my time and money I invested! I will not miss that ceremony!

It’s so hard to believe this is reality and happening to me. A few days ago, I had a post appear from a year ago in my Facebook memories where I said I just finished applying for school. It almost felt surreal.

Five years ago, I was a college dropout because I was not ready for college and only went to stop my family from complaining. I didn’t have my mind set on what I wanted to study, I was burned out from my previous thirteen years of mandatory schooling, and I essentially floated around until I found my job two years after dropping out. Yes, I’m late and it’s not traditional college, but I still did the work and earned it. I am still a graduate! I got to the end of it.

While I wish I could’ve graduated on time with my high school classmates, I’m not terribly unhappy to finish now. Like I said, I was burned out from thirteen years of school and wanted no more to do with it. Plus, I was much less independent at that time. Yes, I relied on my family somewhat to get through school, but I traveled alone and most of the expenses came from my paychecks. When I went to college right after high school, it was the local community college that was a 30-minute walk away because I didn’t know what else to do, and it was the cheapest and closest option. Picking a further college meant I would’ve relied on my family to drive me to and from there. Not to mention scheduling classes was a mess. I very much prefer my trade school’s way: the entire program being certain days and hours. I don’t really want to go to class at 10pm. Or travel between two different campuses for classes!

Yes, it feels much better to go to school at my pace, not my family’s. Wouldn’t you know? School’s not so bad when you aren’t forced.

I Think I May Miss Them

Shockingly, I made it through to the end of my trade school program.

I have one day left, and it’s not a full day. I have to go to take a final test, but after I finish, I can immediately go home. I also have one more payment due, which will be paid next Friday.

I’m currently waiting on a call for an interview for an internship position. If I’m approved for it, I’ll be working in a public school in a town that is, thankfully, much closer to my home than my school is. I’m very nervous about it because it’ll be my first interview for a non-retail job, which means the “cute and cheerful” persona won’t cut it.

Yesterday, our second-to-last day, we had a pizza party. Yes, despite being on a 500-calorie diet, I participated and went to gym later to burn it off. We took a few pictures too, and I have one of the whole class. Then, a feeling I never expected hit me.

We are really leaving.

I didn’t become friends with my classmates. We were friendly to each other, yes, but no friendships formed. Yet, when I look at the class picture I have on my phone, I think about how I spent the last eight months with this group and Monday will really be our last day as a class. Unless the stars align, chances are none of us will see each other again. I looked forward to internship, and to the end of this program, since I started it, especially since I had to withdraw and re-enter. Now that it’s here, I suddenly have an emotional conflict going on.

I truly may miss them.

I don’t know why. As I said, no friendships formed. There are no special bonds. I don’t know them beyond a few mentions of their personal lives here and there. There’s no reason I should feel this way. But I do.

For the sake of preserving their privacy, I won’t post the picture here. I uploaded it to Dropbox, and saved it on an SD card in my phone, to ensure it won’t be lost. I wonder where I’ll be a year from now, and how I’ll feel if I look back on that picture in 2020. Will I remember their names?

In lieu of the class picture, I’m going to end this post with a song I haven’t listened to in a few years that writing this out has brought to mind. The “friends forever” part sure won’t happen, though.

“Somehow today, we have to say… goodbye.”

She Will Have Me Crying

Today, my school clinician gave me some graduation gifts. A box with little messages inside, a card she’s written, and a box of scented candles.

She’s the first therapist in school I had that I really liked. It always feel like going to see a friend rather than going to a scheduled appointment. We have serious discussions on occasions, but we’re usually just chatting and laughing together. Today, I showed her some characters I made.

After I graduate, I stay in the therapy center’s system for an additional year, so I have one more year with her. I thought that was the strangest thing I’d ever heard, but I’m not complaining!

I’m certain I’ll be fine at the graduation ceremony, but if I cry over anyone, I know it will be her. Out of everybody I’ve met in my entire school life, she’s probably my favorite. I can’t be in therapy forever and I know I’ll have to leave her eventually. Our ages are too vast for any kind of friendship. Still, it’ll be hard. I’ve never had too difficult of a time leaving any school, but she’s going to have me crying an ocean.

My Ending Grades

Since it’s the end of the year, I figure “what the heck” and decided there was no harm in showing my grades. Since it’s my last year and I’ll be wiped out of the system, I may as well have something to remember.

Kaye's Grades and Attendance

I know what the grade is for my Physiology exam and I passed. My teacher just hasn’t entered it yet. Also, my attendance isn’t bad, but I still don’t think it needs to be seen.