When those “like other girls” are bullies…

December 8, 2019 — Kaye

Recently, I asked my boyfriend’s opinion on the backlash against “not like other girls”. Like me, he knows how it feels to grow up bullied and being treated differently, and struggling to accept those supposed differences, so I had to ask what he thinks of it suddenly being a bad thing to not be like the others.

His answer? “Hypocrites. They spent so much time hating others for their differences. Now, they suddenly want to unite and say we’re the same? What changed?”

I never thought of it that way, but I do agree.

A question I’ve posed lately on posts and groups about this topic is if a girl who grew up hearing constantly from other girls that she isn’t like them, was excluded and ostracized from groups in general, and wanted nothing more than to be like the other girls becomes a “not like other girls” girls when she finally gets fed up of failing to fit in and tries to embrace those differences that make the other girls reject her.

So far, I have received no answer to that question. Which further makes me agree with my boyfriend and believe the backlash against “not like other girls” is utter garbage.

No, I don’t want to be like the other girls who took joy in making my school life hell. No, I don’t want to be friends with the girls who mocked my appearance on a daily basis. Yes, I will proudly be “not like other girls” when the other girls spread vicious rumors about me, stole my lunch food, tossed my backpack out of a school bus, and never received consequences for their bullying behavior.

It was cool for girls (and boys) to bully, exclude, and antagonize a girl for not being like them. Now, it’s cool to do it when the girl is finally fed up and decides she doesn’t care if she’s not like them. It sounds to me like it’s okay for the other girls to decide she’s not like other girls, but it’s not okay for a girl to decide for herself she isn’t like the other girls… even if she has never stopped hearing it.

If the girl can’t fit in because the other girls deem she’s not like them, and she can’t embrace whatever those differences are because she is like them, the final option is for that girl to live her life hating herself. Poor girl.

To me, this is akin to the bully who beat you up and slammed you in a locker every day suddenly claiming to be a better person because he found God/Jesus/religion. I can’t help wondering how many of these preachers against “not like other girls” were the girls who bullied other girls for not being like them, and are now shaming those girls for deciding they no longer care if they’re not like them. Because if those girls finally accept what their bullies have told them and actually embrace it – that they are not like them and their group, and they are going to be proud of that – their bullies can’t bully them anymore about being different anymore. So, shame them for that pride and tell them they’re the same. And meticulously leave out how and why those girls became “not like other girls” girls to begin with.

In short, as far as I’m concerned, the preachers against “not like other girls” can fuck off. You didn’t want to my friend when I wanted nothing more than to be yours and join your circle. I’m not a crying elementary schoolgirl in her little blue uniform anymore. I don’t want to be your friend now that you suddenly deemed we are alike after all. Just don’t break your arm patting your back for being “inclusive” now.

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Differences

February 17, 2019 — Kaye

Update: The linked post has been removed by a moderator of the subreddit for violating one of its rules.

I don’t want to be a parent. I think I’ve mentioned that in at least a few posts on here. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize parenting is, honestly, a hellish job. Lazy parents exist, yes, but being a good parent takes a huge amount of patience, effort, energy, and a host of other traits I either don’t have or do have that would be stretched far beyond their limits.

And that’s why this post from a subreddit I occasionally browse struck a nerve. Thankfully, several comments call the OP out on their nonsense, especially about judging mothers when the reason the subreddit essentially exists to begin is because of how poorly some people are judged for not having children. However, this particular line is what ticked me off:

It honestly feels like women who are like this are taking the female gender backward instead of forward.

“Like this” refers to being stay-at-home mothers. Somehow, a woman making a choice for her life that makes her happy is “taking the female gender backward”, but a woman tearing down other women for making a choice she personally disagrees with is progressive. And yet, some people can’t figure out why feminism is considered a joke today.

Why would you want to throw away your career?

This is a stereotype about not having children that grates on my nerves! Life is not only the two choices of “career or children”. Not everyone gets fulfillment out of having a career. I personally have never wanted a high-flying career. I’m content with a job that pays me enough to keep my bills on time and lets me have some money left over for savings and spending. But if I didn’t need to work to get by, I wouldn’t. It’s a pipe dream, but I would love if my boyfriend and I could make sufficient income from home without going to work, so we could have more free time for ourselves, each other, and our families and friends.

Now, speaking specifically about kids, if we wanted to be parents, I wouldn’t want to be a stay-at-home parent either purely because of the financial dependency. Crisis can hit anyone – single, couple, parents, non-parents – and I would hope if something tragic did happen to my boyfriend that left me alone with our hypothetical child, I could get myself back on my feet through whatever job I have so we don’t struggle too much. However, if my boyfriend and I had enough savings to last a few years, and that would hold us over in the case of a crisis, I would be a stay at home parent, or he could if he wanted (or, pipe dream, both of us if the “income from home without going to work” thing were possible). Of course, every parent needs a break and time away from their kids, but overall, I’d much rather be with my child than be at work, especially considering what my current job is. Eight hours behind a register or eight hours with my family? Not a tough choice.

I’m sorry but a “homemaker” is not a [freaking] job. It screams of laziness and dependency. Don’t these women ever want to accomplish anything in their lives? [Popping] out a kid and then sitting on your [butt] for the rest of your life is not an accomplishment.

Minus, again, the absolute hypocrisy of being judgmental and that parenting is not “sitting on your butt for the rest of your life”, this is probably the most infuriating part of this post. Who in the name of Equestria is anyone to decide for someone else what their life’s accomplishments are?! First of all, again, parenting is a hellish job. It’s one made by choice, yes, but we all make choices about what we do. Even people with life-saving careers chose that path, and just like we don’t have to choose to be parents, we don’t have to choose wildly stressful career paths either. But we do. If someone is proud of having raised their children to be whatever their children turned out be, and considers that an accomplishment, more power to them. I consider it an accomplishment I have a relationship that’s lasted for four years (and counting). That’s nothing to most people, but it means the world to me. Everyone defines for their life what their accomplishments are. It’s not up to other people to decide someone has achieved nothing.

It doesn’t matter what the appeal of being a stay-at-home parent is. The OP doesn’t have to understand it, any more than I have to understand what the appeal of alcohol is (red wine is disgusting!). It is not your life and it is none of your business. We don’t need to understand why others make the choices they do. People are given fulfillment by different things. Some people find fulfillment from parenting. Some people find it from career. Some people are fulfilled from traveling. Some people are fulfilled by pursuing education (referred to as “career students”) or doing charity work, or a host of other things I can’t think of. I personally feel fulfilled when I can be with my loved ones, like my boyfriend and my best friend, and support them in their lives. That’s my accomplishment, that I can hold these amazing people in my life. Not my only accomplishment, but the one that matters most to me.

The only exception to this rule is if how you live your life hurts others, and that should be obvious. If that’s not the case, everyone should live their life however it makes them happy. No one else has to understand and no one who doesn’t understand is owed an explanation. People are different, and that needs to be accepted.

“You’re you, I’m me. Together, we can live in harmony!”

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Eighteen Versus Twenty-Four

June 6, 2018 — Kaye

I’m almost finished with my first class of trade school. I even finished the final project already. Despite my anxiety about the next course, I am glad this first one is almost over. Though, I’m disappointed I genuinely struggled with the “Student Success” half of it. Of course, I attended trade school to avoid such classes, but four weeks is better than two years of them.

One thing I hate my high school for is making life sound so black and white. They pushed the idea everyone who is successful goes to college, that there’s no other way, that there’s no excuse not to go, that community college is a waste (it was referred to as “the 13th grade”), and that all incoming college students were our age. What a load of trash. And I say that with zero fondness for community college.

I’m still getting over the feeling of being an “older” student, but I must admit I think I’m doing well because I’m not 18 years old in college. While I went to college for bad reasons to begin with (family pressure), there was more to it than that. I was also burned out from 14 years of mandatory schooling since the age of 5. Birth, if you count daycare, preschool, and head start. I didn’t want to go to any school anymore! I wanted to work, make some money, and go to college later! Obviously, that plan fell apart and I despise retail with an intensity that matches the sun’s, but I don’t regret it. I had more freedom as an uneducated part-time retail worker than as a jobless college student. If I had the personality for retail to be a lifelong career, I’d go for it and never have chosen to return to school. Unfortunately, being an introvert means that’s the equivalent of hell.

Having some years off of school let me have some experiences I couldn’t do while in school. And while not all of them were pleasant, it was still a nice, long break from being confined to one place for nine hours. It’s insanely ironic how being surrounded by hundreds of people for over a decade of your life can turn you into a misanthrope. I think my preschool self who was happier building blocks alone than being forced to “make friends” was on to something.

Experiencing something besides school (and bullying) let me feel more motivated and focused when I returned to school. Sure, I still have my grievances. I hate having to wake up at 6 AM and I wish I could’ve stayed with the first group of classmates I started with. But unlike my mandatory school days, schoolwork is not my life. It’s part of it, but I’m not forced to make it all of it. Again, the irony is insane. I get my schoolwork out of the way as quickly (and meticulously) as I can, to the point I will work through lunch to finish it. High school and under? Classwork and schoolwork was a battle to get me to finish if I wasn’t interested in the subject. I know some people do well under pressure, but I think I’m proving time and again I’m not one of them. It seems I do well when the pressure is off. That, and when I feel what I’m doing is worth my while. I still remember almost nothing I learned in high school, and what I do remember is limited to the Italian and French classes I took.

So, I don’t mind being a “non-traditional” student, as it’s called. I’m actually glad I can pay for my own schooling. It means no one needs to keep tabs on it besides me. Want to know my grades? None of your business!

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Second Time’s The Charm…

April 1, 2014 — Kaye

I once talked about a person who criticized me on my main Tumblr blog for not being impressed with The Sims 4. Well, someone else (or it may be the same person) has appeared who also has an issue with my distaste for TS4. This person was upset because I was unhappy about the exclusion of a particular feature I loved in TS3. Like the first time, this person is anonymous.

We survived without CASt in TS2, and TS2 is a far superior game to TS3 on many counts. The fact that they’re not including CASt in the Sims 4 just means they’re going to be focusing more on gameplay

My, my. People certainly get upset when you have a different opinion from them, don’t they? Since this person chose to be condescending towards me, I had a little fun and intentionally wrote an unnecessarily long response. I doubt they will read it, but it was fun to write.

“…TS2 is a far superior game to TS3 on many counts.”

In your opinion. Not in mine. To me, TS3 is the very best of the series (so far). I loved TS2 and stuck with it for about a year after TS3 came out. Once I was finally able to play TS3, TS2 went to my sister. And once I gave her my TS3 base game, even she was bored with TS2.

CASt allows me to bring out my imagination in many ways that weren’t possible in TS2. I love creating as much as I love playing and if the ability to create is going to be more limited, I’d rather stick with TS3.

If you lack or have less imagination (yes, that was a shot because you took one at me), that’s fine by me, but I personally love how TS3 allows me to make my imagination burst. Not a darn thing in my game is the same as it once was unless I couldn’t edit it or haven’t gotten around to it.

If I can’t create anything and practically spill my imagination and creativity into the game, there is no point in me playing it. It’s the same reason I love Pokémon X and Pokémon Y more than any of its predecessors. Once I learned they allowed us to customize our characters, I was sold. The storyline could’ve sucked for all I care. I still would’ve bought the games just to be able buy clothes and accessories for my protagonists.

Everyone plays games differently. That’s why some people love puzzle games, some love action, some love RPGs, and so and so forth. Some people care about gameplay and nothing more. Others are creators who’d rather spend three hours making a household than playing. Some are builders who’d prefer to spend time creating or renovating houses or even making their own world. It’s all okay. There’s no one right way to play a game.

You’re free to hate TS3 with a passion that surpasses the sun’s heat, but it’s not okay to look down on someone because they have a different preference than you. At the end of the day, it’s nothing more than a game. An invention for people’s entertainment and amusement. No one has to buy a game they dislike and there are no exceptions to that. I’m allowed to be upset about the exclusion of CASt just as you’re allowed to disagree with me and consider CASt an unimportant feature. I consider CASt to be an essential feature of the game, but EA cannot please everybody. Some people are going to be unhappy or displeased. There’s no way to avoid that. And their feelings are not wrong.

Stick with whatever game makes you happy. Clearly for you, that’s TS2. For me, it’s TS3. It’s a free country. Play whatever you want. Just don’t hate on someone for liking something you do not. I don’t look down on those who prefer TS2 to TS3. I’d prefer to be treated with the same respect. I ranted about the game, not the players. Why? Because I understand that they are different from me and thus, have different tastes and preferences than I do. I don’t expect anyone to like what I like or dislike what I like, nor do I expect anyone to bend over backwards for me and my tastes. That’s just plain silly and ridiculously arrogant.

This is the second time I have been criticized for not being enthusiastic about TS4. I really wish these wars would stop. In the end, anyone who likes The Sims series and has played a version of the game is a fan. This “I’m a better fan than you” nonsense is what I expect of children in middle school or lower, not adults who have bigger problems, worries, and concerns than someone not liking the same game they like. If you cannot accept someone else’s preferences because they vary from yours, I suggest you associate solely with like-minded people and stray away from any place where someone may dare to have a different opinion. However, since this is the internet, where there are literally millions of varying opinions in millions of places, I wish you luck with that. Even people who see eye-to-eye may not agree 100%.

Also, I happen to have TS4 pre-ordered at a local GameStop and I am buying the premium edition. As ironic as it sounds, I have no intention of cancelling that pre-order and I do intend to fully pay it off. Will I still stick with TS3? Ultimately, yes. But that doesn’t mean I’m unwilling to give TS4 a try. I give all Sims games a try. And if I don’t like TS4 and end up with no desire to keep it, I’ll hand it off to my sister or a friend of mine who also likes the series. TS4 could end up being my secondary favorite. I might keep both TS4 and TS3 installed on my computer. It’s not a guarantee, but it’s a possibility.

Even if I weren’t wiling to give TS4 a try, I wouldn’t be inferior to any other fan because of that. Regardless of how much or how little money I spend on any game, I’m no less of a fan than you or any other player. It’s a game! Your life doesn’t depend on it, nor does mine or anyone else’s. And, while I realize all fandoms have some “bad seeds”, if the Sims community is nothing more than an endless war of who’s better than who, I’d rather not be a part of it.

I hope I this will be the last hate message I receive because this is very ludicrous and I sincerely believe The Sims series is being taken a bit too seriously by some. Or many, rather.

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A Hater Appears

August 23, 2013 — Kaye

Not here, but on my main Tumblr blog, Spontaneity.

Last night, I posted that I didn’t like the upcoming Sims 4 and preferred to stick with The Sims 3.

I just watched the gameplay trailer of The Sims 4.

I don’t like it. It looks too cartoonish. I prefer the realistic-looking sims of TS3. The only difference I see between the two is that there are more options/features with the mouse. Basically, it looks like a cross between TS2 and TS3 with added features.

I’ll stick to TS3. I don’t even have Island Paradise yet.

As you can see, my opinion does criticize, but only the game. It does not criticize any person who likes TS4. Just the game itself. However, someone took offense and I woke up to this message in my Tumblr inbox:

“I prefer the realistic-looking sims of TS3” … Have you never played the game without CC? They look horrid. Why do people forget that they’ve clogged their games with CC? No Sims start out looking good – actually, no, I think the Sims 4 sims look pretty good! More realistic than what TS3 started with, that’s for sure. (Also, could you not further tag your TS4 dislike? It’s not like you made a legit good point and a lot of people in the tag don’t like it. Go bond with ’em.)

Rather than simply express disagreement, this user goes out of his or her way to insult me. They assume my game is full of custom content (CC), they assume because their sims look bad, mine do, and they tell me not to use a certain tag because others don’t like what I post. Apparently, this person is ignorant of the fact that the only people in charge of the staff are the Tumblr staff. Tags are not just for positive opinions.

Here’s my response:

Oh, for the love of fairies and cupcakes! We’ve got an opinion cop here, people!

Let’s get something straight here right now. My account, my blog. I will post whatever I freaking want and use whatever tags I like. If I make a post about marshmallows and want to tag it “ice cream”, I can. I wouldn’t because that’s illogical, but the point’s clear. If the people who patrol the TS4 tag don’t like it, I don’t care. Actually, now because of this message, I don’t even care that they exist.

Your sims may look horrid, but that’s your problem, not mine. My sims are as adorable as I want them to be. Granted, most of them are female because I love creating girls, but that’s just because I am one.

As for CC, I do not have any that affect my sims. At least, I don’t think I do. I have some clothes from the store, but I don’t see how that would affect my sims’ skin and face. Same with the items, which I have most of. However, I gave my sister the base game to play last night. She spent most of the time creating sims. No CC whatsoever, and hers looked great. She sure liked them.

As someone told me, the trailer may not be what’s released on the actual disc, so I’m trying to remain open-minded. It doesn’t matter if my point wasn’t legitimate because I wasn’t trying to make a point at all! I was stating an opinion. I don’t like the game from what it looks like.

Also, my game is not clogged with CC, but how nice of you to assume you know what’s on my computer. Silly me! I thought I was the only one who used it and played TS3 on it. Oh, right. I am. You’re not smart. I have a lot less CC than most players. I actually think the CC that affects sims’ faces is rather bad and only makes them good for photo shoots than actual gameplay.

Like I said, my problem with the sims of TS4 is that they’re too cartoonish-looking. I like cartoons, but not in video games unless the game in question is based off a cartoon, which TS4 is not. You’ve got your opinion and I’ve got mine. Now, kindly take your problems with mine and shove them down your pants!

Oh, and to answer your first question, yes, I’ve played the game without CC. I didn’t use the store for a long time at first. But again, I don’t think any of the CC I have affects my sims’ skin and face, so I don’t see how it’s relevant.

Now, get off my blog and stay off! Your different opinion is welcome, but your rudeness is not. Get out and do not come back!

Since this user, who was unsurprisingly anonymous, decided to be rude, I chose to be rude right back. I have no problem with people who disagree with me. After all, different people have different opinions. It’s a fact of life. But there’s a way to disagree and criticize without rudeness. Perhaps someone should teach this user that lesson.

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