Setting The Bar Low

I don’t like to bring up social issues on this blog. There’s probably something that makes this seem like a lie, but I genuinely don’t. However, this is one I couldn’t ignore.

I’d rather not get into the details, but two days ago, I got a huge reminder of how fortunate I am to have my boyfriend. I say that in spite of the arguments and near breakups we’ve had, and I mean it. I’ve read a lot how men are praised for doing the bare minimum, especially when it comes to caring for their children, and I agree it’s ridiculous if that’s the case. At the same time, when you’ve never gotten even that, the bare minimum can seem like the peak of the mountain.

A friend of mine is in a very rough spot right now. She’s staying with friends and relatives, alternating between houses. She had to argue with her boyfriend just to get his attention and check in with him if he’s home or not, despite he knew she had to go out. From her frustration and arguing, it was obvious this happened a lot. He apparently has a habit of ignoring her just to rile her up (if she’s not exaggerating). Even when she finally got a hold of him, they continued arguing. All because she wanted to know if he was home or not so he could possibly let her in.

My boyfriend came with me when I needed a root canal for no other reason than I asked and was anxious. He asked the dentist if he could hold my hand. He couldn’t (dentist said certain things splatter), but he was allowed to stay in the room, so he did. Note my boyfriend lives thirty miles away, so this is going out of his way. He still did it, and arranged his work schedule to allow him the time for it.

That specific example may not be the bare minimum, but caring for your partner’s well-being is. January 2020 will mark five years since we met (June 2020 will be five years of being a couple), so any honeymoon phase ended long ago.

I hear of relationship struggles like my friend’s all the time. In general, it’s a running joke a woman’s first child is her husband and it’s so odd to me because that doesn’t describe my boyfriend at all. Contrarily, as an example, we argue (playfully) about who does domestic chores better and he insists on doing certain ones because “I don’t do it right”. Yet for some women, their boyfriend or husband washing a single dish would be a small victory.

I know being over the moon for doing what anyone who shares a household or a relationship should do is setting the bar low (note: I’m talking heaps of praise, not simple appreciation and a thank you), and my boyfriend agrees, but it’s hard not to feel I lucked out when I grew up with and continue to be surrounded by relationships where it’s an endless battle solely to get a helping hand. When my friend was arguing with her boyfriend on the phone to know if he’s home, my mind couldn’t stop drifting to my boyfriend, who’d wait at home all day until I came back if he knew I couldn’t get in without him (or give me the key, which is more sensible).

I feel writing this post is mocking people who have these struggles in their relationships, and that is not my intent. Rather, it’s bewildering to me this is so common, getting the bare minimum feels like winning a battle. I’m describing an observation, not trying to belittle others, and a very confusing one at that.

I’m thankful for…

I really don’t have much care for this holiday. I’ve never liked Thanksgiving, not even as a kid. I was much more excited for Christmas. Still, there are things in my life I’m thankful for:

  • My family, despite the amount of times they’ve driven me insane
  • My friends, those close in distance and far away
  • My clinician; she is absolutely amazing!
  • Technology – internet, television, computer, video games, cell phones; all make my life very interesting and fun
  • Art of all kinds; art makes the world visually beautiful
  • Attending college; in spite of how bad it’s gone for me, I have gotten some good things out of it, emotional and material
  • Physical health – I know how fast illness can take over and kill, so I’m very thankful that the extent of my physical ailments is anemia

Mundane Monday: Literacy

Today, I’m going to express a little appreciation for an ability I couldn’t live without. Being literate.

Sailor Mercury

Several months ago, I read an article that stated 80% of New York high school graduates were illiterate and needed to be retaught how to read, write, and do basic math. I may not be the best reader or writer, and I sure as heck am no mathematician, but I couldn’t imagine being unable to read and write. How can someone even graduate without those abilities? I know I sound judgmental, but I’m genuinely curious.

Being literate is what allows me to run this blog, to enjoy online friendships, to select my favorite games, to browse Tumblr and YouTube, and the list goes on and on. It’s something I take for granted, but knowing there are countries where it’s basically a crime for a female person to be educated, I know I’m incredibly lucky to have been born and raised in a country like the United States.

Mundane Monday: Ear Piercing

Just a tiny thing I’m appreciative for. My ears are pierced and the holes have never closed. My mother had them pierced when I was at baby. Seven months old to be exact, and I’m very glad she did. I love earrings, but I’ve heard piercing is not only painful, but is done with a needle, an object that fills me with terror. If I didn’t have my ears pierced, I’d likely never have it done because I don’t like pain. I know there are clip-on earrings, but they are hard to find. The one and only pair I ever had were purchased from a thrift store and they hurt to wear because they were tight.

So thank you, Mom, for piercing my ears at an age that I would be too young to remember having it done.

Piercing gun

This is what would’ve been in my ear?! AHHH!!!

Thank you all, worldwide!

I just looked at the stats for Kaye’s Days. I looked at the all time stats for country and I was surprised! Even though the numbers were low, I couldn’t believe I’d gotten a view from those countries. There are two I’d never even heard of!

So thank you, everyone in and outside of the United States who has viewed my blog! I don’t care if you’ve only viewed it once or a hundred. I’m appreciative!

Country Stats