Wishful Wednesday: Social Awkwardness

While I like being shy and considering myself a wallflower, my wish for this Wednesday is that I wasn’t so socially awkward.

Sweet and Shy

I don’t know if being socially awkward and being shy are necessarily the same, but I think the latter merely makes me a little afraid of meeting people while the former makes it hard for me to talk to them. I cannot flirt, I cannot pick up on social cues, and I tend to embarrass myself. Merely asking a friend or other person to meet up somewhere comes out awkwardly!

Maybe my desire to remain indoors or alone is the cause of this. Maybe I just have a low social need that’s easily fulfilled with online conversations. Then again, maybe social awkwardness and shyness are related and the only way to get rid of the former would be to get rid of the latter. But I like being a shy person because it feels easier to be alone, so perhaps I will just have to put up with being socially awkward.


Yep. I remember when that was me.

Wishful Wednesday: Independence of Assistance

I don’t believe I’ve ever mentioned on here, but my immediate family survives on government assistance. It’s been this week since I was an infant, although my mother relies on it more now than she did when I was small. While I’m grateful to have it because we couldn’t eat otherwise, I don’t like it.

Now, I admit I am someone who does not like asking for help, whether or not I need it. In fact, the more I do need it, the less likely I am to ask for help because I prefer to figure things out for myself. The reason I dislike relying on others is they can let you down anytime, and I’ve seen this with the PA my mom uses. Multiple times, I’ve seen her fight against getting her benefits reduced or cut.

I think seeing that is very reason why I hate having to rely so heavily on anyone or anything. The idea that being let down could cause someone to lose their source of food or their home is horrifically terrifying to me. That fear is probably why I’m vehemently against ever being on any kind of PA when I am supporting myself unless it is literally the only option I have left.

So my wish for this Wednesday is that my family didn’t have to rely on assistance to get by and my mom was able to fully support all of our financial uses herself.

Wishful Wednesday: Join the 21st Century, Mom

My wish for this Wednesday? That my mother joins the 21st century.

Really, even if it is just concern for my safety, I’m tired of the paranoia. I’m tired of the “don’t go here; don’t go there” because I’m female and – ZOMG! – there will be guys around. What in the world makes her think only girls are susceptible to danger? Last I checked, guys are capable of being assaulted too. Not to mention crimes do happen in broad daylight!

Some time ago, I also ranted on my main Tumblr blog about how she thinks I shouldn’t have an iPhone because she supposedly knows some girl who was killed over one. She always has stories like this. If they’re true, then she knows a lot of people who have been murdered. I’d be scarred from that. I guess it never occurred to her that if someone wants to kill me, they’ll do it whether I have an iPhone or not.

I’m just fed up of hearing it. There’s being concerned and there’s being paranoid. If I were to take “better safe than sorry” to heart, I’d have to lock myself in a closet and remain forever shut off from the outside world. I really do not want to be part of a world where it should be assumed that every single person you don’t know who you pass by secretly wants to hurt you.