Letters To Myself

Apparently, I enjoy writing to myself as much as I enjoy making odd lists. Weird.

Searching through my Google Drive, I found a letter I wrote from June 15th of 2018. I already did that on this blog, but it was a furious rant after a terrible night at my retail job (funny that since I’ve been in a warehouse, I’ve yet to have days or nights where I wish I was dead to avoid coming; I think not needing to deal with customers and clean until 12am is a large part of that), This one is just as depressing, but more tame. Let’s see what’s changed.Dear Diary,

I found a letter I wrote to myself from 2013. Almost nothing is the same now as it was then. So, let’s try another one.

I am still massively disappointed I’ve been living here for eight years and, sadly, still counting. I just finished my first month of trade school. I don’t feel I’ll make it through the other eight. I really don’t.

Obviously, I did make it through the other eight. Too bad it turned out to be an utter waste of time, money, and struggle. Live and learn. And don’t go into needless debt.

I have overworked myself, and I am never doing this again. I am exhausted and I want to cut my feet off! For heaven’s sake, I need my license and a car for myself! Too bad that has to wait.

Hey, something from one of my letters that happened! Woohoo!

But I certainly have no regrets when I see what’s been deposited into my bank account. My job is more than covering that $12 fee for my checking account.

This makes it very funny one of the reasons I finally left that job is the pay rate.

I am still in wild disbelief I got approved for such a high limit for a credit card with a “fair” score. Hopefully, I can get my score back into the 700s and keep it there. I am not applying for any more credit cards this year. Probably not ever, really. I think my total limit should suit me just fine.

Hahahahahahahaha!! Oh… I was serious. Hahahahahahahaha!!

Making extra money has made me go a little crazier than I really should. I have to pay that back!

Hopefully, by the time I re-read this, it’ll be from my own apartment with my boyfriend. I feel like I will still be working the same job. I’ve already worked there for a year and a half.

Well, half is good, right?

It hasn’t been straightforward, to say the least. I will say I’ll kill my darn self before I ever give so much as a thought to being anything above what I am now. That’s just asking to turn my life into a nightmare.

Maybe I’ll work on getting my license after I finish school. Studying tech and studying for my license is too much on top of my job too. Even without my job, it’d be too much.

Again, done!

I wonder what fandom I’ll be into in 2020, or whenever I re-read this. I love Celestia & Luna, no doubt, but I don’t think I’ll still be obsessing over them two years from now.

Zero. I couldn’t care less about fandoms anymore. I am still crazy about the royal sisters, though. Still writing fan fic.

I have no plans to continue MLP. The writers killed that with their episode whining about anyone daring to criticize the show. I’m not sure I’ll really be into any shows. I don’t even watch Law & Order much. I guess TV just bores me now. I’m still thinking of cancelling my Netflix subscription. I’m glad I have it, but I use it so sparingly. The shows I watch, I don’t care so much to continue. It’s a spare $11.72 to save, which adds up to $140.64 annually. I guess if I don’t watch anything by the end of summer, I’ll give it up. Netflix is great, but there’s no point in having it if I’m not using it. Surprisingly, I use YouTube Red more than Netflix.

Cancelled Netflix. Got Hulu and Prime Video, though the latter only for the Pokemon channel.

I really hope I am not here in 2020.

I’d laugh at this if it weren’t depressing. Yes, I absolutely will be here in 2020. At least, my car provides more temporary escape.

I don’t even want to be here in 2019, but that’s when I finish school, so little choice there. I doubt I’ll be the person with a job right out of school, though. I’ll be lucky to even find something job-related.

I did via the school’s career services, and both jobs sucked. One was boring as all hell, and required zero special skill whatsoever, and the other was high school 2.0.

At least, I’ll be able to pay off the loans, no matter what. But it will have been a massive waste of time, especially considering I’m exhausting myself for the sake of it.

And it was.

I really can’t believe I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years, and known him for three and a half. It gets more unbelievable every passing year. I still miss his long hair.

Make that nearly five years now. And yes, I still miss his long hair.

I wonder about so many small things. Like what cell phone I will have two years from now. I know it won’t be this one!

It’s only one year from now, but LG Stylo 5.

Seems I really do a phone change every year. Though, I’m not sure what phone I’d like better than this one. I love the color and that it has a stylus, even if I don’t really use it. I’ve been giving thought to ordering an Apple pencil, but it’d just be a waste.

Bought it anyway.

I rarely use my iPad. Funny how my high school got me so obsessed with having an iPad, yet it rarely leaves its box. I haven’t used my drawing tablet in a year, or close to a year, after wanting it so badly to be a better artist. The irony is painful.

And now, I have two.

If I can’t have a car and an apartment, I’ll choose the car. I seriously need to drive, if only because being forced to rely on public transportation and other people for rides is annoying, to say the least. I like Lyft’s service–most of the time–but I don’t want to pay a fee every time I want to travel somewhere outside the county! But racking up too many bills is how I’d end up in debt I couldn’t handle. I’m still paying off my eyeglasses, though that debt is in the bag. I cannot wait until all of my balances can reach zero again.

At this point, I’ll be lucky if my balances are zero when I’m finally on my deathbed.

It may be a while because of school, but I at least know that will happen. I wonder if I can get a credit line increase from Capital One, though. Discover starts evaluating at eight months, so maybe they’ll increase it without notice like Capital One did. Who knows?

Spoiler alert: I can’t, and they don’t.

Just please let all of this exhaustion pay off in the near future. Key word there: near. Very near.

As I’ve said already, it didn’t.

So, it seems all I accomplished so far was the car. Granted, I found it sooner than I planned when I wrote it. Maybe 2020 will bring good surprises?

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