My birthday is in two days. I could not care less.
Is it what I’m putting myself through even worth it?
Is all this stress really going to pay off in the end?
Is there a point to this struggling besides making me wish I didn’t exist to deal with it?
Does it matter if I return to school or keep working?
Is being frugal worth it if I’m broke anyway?
Why am I still going on with this? Why am I still trying? What am I getting out of this?
What is the result of all this? What am I supposed to look forward to?
Does it even exist?
The only “good” thing about this birthday it lets me return to school.
My hours have been cut, I am pinching pennies, I can’t afford so much as a pack of cupcakes, and I have no one to spend it with.
There is nothing good about this birthday. I don’t want this birthday. I don’t want to remember it.
No, I’m not okay. No, I’m not happy. No, I’m not looking forward to my birthday. It can die.
I don’t care.