Things Have Changed

And they’ve changed so, so wonderfully.

The miracle of miracles happened. I found a job!

Alright, a little honesty. It’s not quite that simple. There is a story to tell. However, it’s really little more than one of those “still figuring out this adult stuff” stories.

On 10/19/16, I was invited to a group interview for a certain clothing store, which I’ll simply called T. It was nerve-wracking, mainly because I was in a room full of so many other people and trying to make myself stand out without being annoying. Unfortunately, my “nervous habits” kicked in and I wasn’t able to present myself like I wanted. In the end, I was passed over because the available hours I gave weren’t compatible with what they were looking for.

I had another interview the next day, but I was feeling so discouraged from the group interview, I didn’t want to go to the second one. Some encouragement from my boyfriend pushed me to go, so against what I was sure was my better judgment I went. I got hired on the spot, so I left feeling very cheerful and optimistic for once. I’d gotten a job! Or so I thought.

As it turned out, the background check for the second store, I’ll say U, never came back. What was supposed to take only a few days has taken nearly two weeks. I called to ask about it, but the manager had nothing on his end either. I was relieved to know I’d done nothing wrong, but still disappointed I wasn’t going to be able to work.

While I was waiting on U, I received a call for another interview at a third store, B. I wasn’t so excited this time, but I figured I had nothing to lose, so I went. As with the interview for U, I was hired on the spot, but I was less enthusiastic this time. I thought it’d be the same situation as U and I’d be waiting for what feels like a longer time than it is for a phone call back. I was wrong, very wrong. Here’s where the miracle happens.

Four days after my interview for B, I received an email that stated a “work” account had been created for me from B. I was confused and a little worried. I was hoping this meant I was officially hired, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up to be dashed again. The email asked me to complete a particular task, but I was absent from home, so I couldn’t. An hour later I received an email from the same address, reminding me of the task I had yet to be done. About an hour after this email came a text from one of my family members to tell me to call B because someone had called the house phone and asked for me. I called back right away, asked for the manager who’d asked for me, and explained the situation. She said it was alright and then… she asked me to set an orientation date.

I was hired. I was finally hired. I could’ve danced in circles right where I was standing.

I set the date for the earliest orientation she had available because I wanted to get it done as soon as possible. I was nervous, but it turned out to be nothing to be nervous about at all. It was four hours of online tutorials about the job, and I was going to be paid for it! My first day of working will be this Saturday and I am honestly excited.

This job is part-time and seasonal, so I am supposed to be let go in January, but I’ve been told if I do well, I may be able to stay, though I’d have to re-apply. I feel like I’ve finally done something right. My only hope now is I really can do well enough for them to want to keep me. I have to be great!

I do owe a lot to certain people, mainly my former clinician for allowing me to continue volunteering with her, and my boyfriend for being such huge emotional support when I was down on myself so many times. I know I am not an easy person to help, but he kept being there for me.

2015 is the year I met my boyfriend and now, 2016 is the year I can finally say I have a job. For once, I’m genuinely hopeful about what 2017 may bring, but I’m also wary. 2016 still wasn’t an easy year. It took a lot of depressive nights, rejections, and even rage to get here, and that last one in particular is not related to job hunting. In other words, much like 2015, 2016 was a wild rollercoaster, one I felt would kill me at times, and I have no doubt 2017 will be the same. It’s odd how I can go from being so cynical and hopeless to feeling optimistic and full of enthusiasm the moment some luck heads my way. I feel like that’s a bad thing, but despite knowing the bad luck will pass, the emotions happen before I can detect them.

There is a tiny part of me that’s still paranoid, worried about screwing up and getting myself fired, or having some kind of problem and being too afraid to speak up because as a recent hire, I don’t want to make waves. I’m doing my best to keep that tiny part quiet. There’s also a small part of me that feels it’s silly to be so happy for and proud of getting a part-time, temporary job because it’s certainly not a lot of money and there’s no guarantee I’ll be kept. Still, I keep reminding myself this is my very first job. Of course, it’s not what people would call glamorous or a big money-maker. However, everyone has to start somewhere, right? I start here. I’m quite late to the party, but better late than never, isn’t it? That’s not a philosophy I’ll use for my attendance. I promise.

At the very least, I can finally support this expression: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

Please keep going.

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