Your Judgement Isn’t Important

Anger is swirling inside me right now.

I spent the whole day with my boyfriend. As always, I had a great time. However, we accidentally left his home a bit too late and, as a result, I had to take a much later train home than I intended. It was a genuine accident and we know we have to be more careful now.

So, why am I angry? Because when I sent a message to my uncle to let him know I’d be late, we got into a discussion about it and at one point, he said this to me: “He’s not important.”

“He” is referring to my boyfriend, of course. This isn’t the first time my uncle’s said that either and, frankly, I’m becoming less and less tolerant of these comments. I ignore them because my boyfriend doesn’t hear them, which is what I care about most, and they do not affect either of us personally. I don’t expect him to be considered important to anyone in my family. They don’t know him. But to say he’s not important at all? No!

Not only is he important to me, he is important as a person overall. Why? Let me break it up:

  • He was upset about being late and blamed himself for it. (Empathy)
  • He saw to it that I got on the train I needed and wouldn’t be any later than I already was. (Responsibility)
  • He told me to call him when I got home because he wanted to know I made it home safely. (Caring/Concern)
  • He apologized again after I called him. (Kindness)

There’s much more than that, but those are the ones relevant to this instance. You don’t have to be a big shot to be important. Everyone is important to at least two people: themselves and someone else. And I certainly hope he considers himself as important and valuable as I consider him.

I’ve told my boyfriend enough about my family for him to be able to make some scathing comments of his own, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t know them just like they don’t know him, yet he manages to be the bigger person in this matter. I love him for that, and I love him overall and the devil will have to rise before I let my family decide who I should deem important and unimportant. I could deem several of my uncle’s past relationships unimportant, but that wouldn’t make me any more mature than him, and they’re not mine to place a value on anyway. So, I don’t.

Getting in deeper, my boyfriend is one of the three people (the other two are my best friend, and high school clinician) who’s had – and still continues to have – a huge positive impact on me and my life. He’s important to my health, my well-being, and me as a person. He’s added a lot to me and my life I don’t want to ever have taken. He’s become another reason I’m happy I did not take my life years ago when I was heavily suicidal. I didn’t know him around the time and thinking that I so easily never could’ve saddens me. Heck, when I think about how it was pure luck I met him (I randomly decided to log into OKC after being fed up with it), I feel a bit stunned.

Yes, he is very important to me and I prioritize him. Sure, sometimes, other things come first because different things need attention at different times, but he and our relationship absolutely are a priority for me and unless the day comes when we decide to cut ties (which I hope will never happen), that’s how my priorities will always be. No amount of mean comments will make me regret that.

How About Taking Turns?

“Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to.”

Out of all the rules I ever heard as a child, I think I hate this one the most.

Why? For starters, it has nothing to do with politeness. It’s simply used to shut a small kid up.

Just like the rule of saying nothing at all if you can’t say anything nice, this one gets lost on the path to adulthood. It’s also impossible. If no one spoke unless someone to spoke to them, no one would be able to speak at all. Somebody has to speak first. According to this, that “someone” must always and only be an adult. I want to know why an adult’s words are, by default, considered more valuable than a child’s.

I live with a family that spends half their time spouting racist and sexist nonsense all day. Nobody speaks to them first. They just blurt it out every now and then. What value is this? By contrast, I once babysat a little girl and she started telling me about her family’s trip to Florida. I didn’t ask her to and I didn’t say a word to her. She just did because she wanted to talk. Now, guess which one I’d rather hear.

If this rule is about not interrupting people, fine. That works, but should apply to adults too. It’s rude to interrupt anyone. But otherwise, someone has to speak first, and it’s fine if that “someone” is a child at times. That’s how we make friends. It’s how relationships are formed. It’s how people connect.

This rule needs to either be thrown in the garbage or replaced with something more sensible.

Also, I’ve heard this same rule was once applied, not only to children, but also to women. Admittedly, I don’t know if that’s true or not, but if it is, that alone is enough for me to consider this rule extremely outdated. This is not 1915.

Windows 10? It’ll Keep Waiting.

Several weeks ago, I reserved a free upgrade for Windows 10. I figured since it’s the most recent version, I should have it. However, shortly after I received my copy, I started having second thoughts.

First off, the only reason I have Windows 8 is due to buying a new computer. I honestly prefer Windows 7. Windows 8’s format belongs on a tablet, not a computer. Second, I read about people having several problems with Windows 10. Such as:

  • Losing everything on their PC, even after selecting the option to keep it (yes, I know you’re warned to back up your stuff, but if they include an option to let you keep your stuff and that doesn’t even work, it sounds like Windows 10 is busted)
  • Their computer becoming very sluggish or freezing completely.
  • Certain games no longer working due to incompatibility with Windows 10, even after it was stated those games would continue working

It might be a short list of problems, but they’re pretty severe ones. So far, the only reasons I’ve read for updating to Windows 10 refer to visual appeal and as nice that is, it’s not worth those problems above. Even if I do back up my stuff, I’d be extremely angry if the upgrade wiped out everything. If I wanted to wipe out all of my data, I’d do a factory reset on my computer.

I think the only way I’ll get Windows 10 is the same way I got Windows 8 – if I buy a new computer. Since this computer is working well, that’ll be a long time away, if it ever happens. Until then, my copy is going to keep waiting…and waiting…and waiting.