I’m Scared

There. I said it.

What am I scared of? A lot of things, in particular, my efforts amounting to nothing.

I’ve been struggling so much about what to do regarding college and reading anecdotes of doing “the right things” only to keep failing only confirms my fears.

Science-related subjects are considered to be the most lucrative careers that exist.  I’ve never heard anyone speak lowly of pursuing these degrees and, in my experience, you’re told you’ll always have a job because they’re in high demand. When people say they got college degrees and still can’t find work or are stuck in dead-end jobs, it’s typically assumed they got a “useless” degree, such as something in art, philosophy, or gender studies.

This just tells me you can work hard and still not get anywhere. It seems like it doesn’t even matter. I already fear returning to college for a degree and ending up right back where I started, but what I want to major in is art-related. To go for something in STEM and still end up right back where I started? I’d kick myself for the rest of my life.

On top of that, I’ve been told there are many different paths to success, but I can only find three. Go to college, go to trade school, or find a job and work your way up. I’ve heard of trade school being more profitable than college, especially because you’re not saddled with debt for an extremely long time, but I can’t think of a single trade I’d be capable of. If web design or art/animation were a trade, I’d go for one of those, but unfortunately, they’re not. I’ve also heard, unlike college, you cannot get financial assistance for trade school. You have to pay for it out of your own pocket. I’m still unemployed, so that’s not possible. My only option is finding a job, which I am having a very hard time with.

The only thing I’m sure of right now is that I am a terrible adult. I cannot figure anything out. I’ve been an adult for three years now and I still have no clue how to be one. I’m already upset that I can’t avoid debt, meaning I will owe someone or something money for as long as I live, and I’m honestly afraid I am always going to be in this position. If I end up going back to school, I want that venture to pay off. Not to throw shots at anyone, but I do not want to end up like my mother, going back to school multiple times in an attempt to better my life and getting nowhere except into more debt.

It’s terrifying and I know adults are supposed to do everything themselves (pretty much the point of being an adult), but I wish I had someone to guide me through all of this and help me get somewhere. I don’t know where I am or what I’m doing or how I’m going to get myself anywhere except where I’m already at. I know what I want. I can’t figure out how to get it. I wish adulthood came with a manual for these situations.

Really, all I want is not to be so useless. Clearly, I’m not doing that well.

2 Responses to “I’m Scared”

  1. Howto$tuffYourPig Says:

    It’s tough for everyone today no matter what the age! Young people are struggling to find work, and older people are being pushed out of work by new technologies. It’s a tough pill to swallow knowing you have to go back to college in your 40’s when you thought you were done with it! I feel for everyone today because every day I hear stories from all age groups. Something needs to change!


  2. ThisisSharrr_ Says:

    I understand your concern. I’m currently in college studying Comp. Science, I’m a sophomore. I am employed but I’m not too fond of the whole customer service thing. It seems that once you’re in customer service you can’t get out, the only places that will call you are for customer service related jobs.

    This is my motivation to finish school but I always think the same as you mentioned you do, that I’ll graduate (after spending thousands of dollars that I don’t have) and not get a decent paying job in my field of study. There are a bunch of people that work at my place of employment with degrees and I ask every last one of them “Why are they working here? Making the same amount I am, with no degree, when they have a bachelors degree.” The people I normally stumble across have degrees and had no idea what they’d do with them or they knew what they wanted but pursued the wrong course of study to get there.

    There’s no right or wrong way to be an adult. It’s just a bunch of trial and error. Just have to figure out what you want in life and try to obtain it. I’m in my late 20s and I just made a definitive decision on what I wanted to do with my life.


Share your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: