Bad Day, Bad Week

This week has not been a good one. Yesterday, I lost a friend and today, I lost my boyfriend. Reason? He’s going to become very busy over the summer. In spite of me making it clear I have no problem, he feels it’s wrong to have me waiting (because, apparently, waiting is torture).

I wish I had never entered the dating/relationship world. It’s been nothing but heartbreak. I didn’t expect to find the “right” person right away or I expected things to be perfect, but I cannot deal with having my heart broken over and over again. I’d rather stay alone.

The only bright side to this is I still have my virginity. I’d prefer to still have my first kiss too, but I guess it’s no big deal. I’ve kissed my mom and sister on the lips, so it’s not like it was the very first time my lips have touched someone else’s.

I miss Emmi. Yes, after everything I just said, I still miss Emmi and I have no chance to get him back. He may be a borderline sex maniac, but if that meant I didn’t have to worry about a breakup, I would’ve given it to him from the start. In a way, I still want him to have my virginity. Of course, he could’ve easily taken it and gotten rid of me, so I’m fantasizing here, but sex was the only thing I had to worry about with Emmi. Maybe that’s why he loves it so much.

At least, I probably set the record for shortest relationship.

Name Change

No, not the blog. Actually, maybe the blog. But I mean my actual name. I need to change my entire actual name. I don’t want to get into why, but I’ll leave it at I don’t feel safe anymore. Something happened and I feel like I need to change every bit of my personal information possible. My full name, my phone number, even my nickname, Kaye!

I have no idea what I’m going to change my name to or how to even go about it legally. More importantly, I need to find out how I can get every record of my what my name is now destroyed. Phone records, school ones, and even my birth records!

I’ve heard changing your name is expensive, but I don’t even feel comfortable getting a job until I can have it legally changed. I admit I’m a little sad that my blog’s title and URL won’t rhyme anymore, but that’s a very tiny price to pay. For the time being, I will leave it as is, but as soon as I come up with another name and nickname, I will change it. In the meantime, I will find as much info as I can about legally changing my name and destroying records. I wish I could change my birthdate too, but that’s impossible.