Since I was feeling so upset about Emmi, I posted about it on one of the forums I frequent. I got a ton of support and everyone basically told me I did the right thing and I have nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. That helped a ton and I am feeling better.
What’s really interesting is that the posters saw a lot of red flags that I didn’t. Such as:
- Discussing sexual intentions with someone he’s never met face-to-face. Seeing as waiting until marriage isn’t a thing anymore and I lack experience with relationships, I assumed this was normal.
- Him no longer wanting to speak to me, despite saying a mere moment earlier that it was alright if I still wanted to talk.
- His refusal to meet on weekends. The reason he gave is his parents kept him busy, but the posters think he may have someone else.
- One I saw: his insistence on meeting at night and going to a private place hidden by trees. This is why I postponed meeting him for so long in the first place. Even if he is harmless (and I do believe he is), I don’t like the idea of being somewhere “secret” or performing sexual acts in his car, for that matter.
- That he seemed to only want a hook-up relationship. Even if I were not asexual, I would not like the idea of every time we got together preceding sex.
While I was never playing with his heart, I’m beginning to wonder if he was playing with mine. He knows I have no experience whatsoever, yet he still spoke explicitly about sex. I’d think he’d realize I would’ve freaked out if he spoke like that.
It doesn’t matter anymore, but I’m even happier we never met face-to-face now. I’m not going to give up entirely on meeting someone, but I’m going to stop looking for the time being and keep away from dating sites (where I met him). I wish the best to any woman he does end up with and I hope she has a sex drive as high as outer space. She will need it.