Kaye's Days

For the past few weeks, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and yesterday, I came to a realization (I seem to do that a lot). Everything I’m doing for my future is not really for me. It’s for my family.

I didn’t want to attend college just yet. They pressured me to do it. I wanted to work for a while first. While I want a job/career related to technology, I took IT merely because it’s said to be one of the highest-paying jobs out there. While I want to be financially secure and not struggling paycheck to paycheck, I don’t care about making more money than everyone else. I don’t need a high-flying career. In fact, I want to be self-employed.

The belief that I need to be making the most money came from my family’s pressure. As long as I can live comfortably and fully support myself, I’m fine with however much I make.

I’m not ruling out college entirely, but I did go for the wrong reasons. I know not everything is fun and games and I don’t expect it to be, but I feel miserable and having my family’s approval isn’t worth that. If this is supposed to be my future, why am I doing nothing for myself and everything for them?

I don’t regret going entirely because I have gotten some good things out of it and if nothing else, I’ve learned I do not have the aptitude for anything with a boatload of science or math, or the patience to sit and be spoon-fed information as if I’m still in high school. Now, I’m trying to consider every option I really do have and see past the path that’s been painted out for me.

What I like most is design and while I wouldn’t want hand-drawing to be more than a hobby, I’d be fine with creating and designing websites being more than one. Maybe there’s a job or career for that. It’ll never be as lucrative as something like IT, but as I said, I don’t care about making more money than everybody else. No amount of money is worth is being miserable.

But I think, above all, I need to stop giving in to pressure. How long is it going to take me to learn that lesson?