Authority

I’ve had a problem with authoritative figures since I was a child and those issues have continued into adulthood. I like to believe most people are good, but I cannot. I completely lost faith in humanity last year, so there’s no more left to lose. However, I continually run into things that remind me I made the right choice in giving up.

http://projectunbreakable.tumblr.com/post/75703246624/nine-photographs-portraying-quotes-said-to-sexual

http://projectunbreakable.tumblr.com/post/72385476196/nine-photographs-portraying-quotes-said-to-sexual

Those links lead to posts that contain quotes from people who are sexually abused. In the first, the quotes are from people like police officers and lawyers. In the second, the quotes are from family and so-called friends.

As I said before, I still like some people, such as my best friend, but as a whole, I hate human beings. I really do.

I Have My Wish!

No wish for this Wednesday because I already got something I want! Something I’ve wanted since my high school gave them out. An iPad! Specifically:

32 GB

Yes! Last night, I bought an iPad Air. I’ve been playing with it ever since and I love it! Sorry, high school. You can’t control my iPad anymore. It’s mine!

Mundane Monday: Self-Esteem Songs

I like a lot of songs, but my favorites tend to be ones about self-esteem, likely due to my own low-esteem. The first one I ever heard, I believe, was Who Says by Selena Gomez, who became one of my favorite singers due to that song (the video was a lovely touch too).

Since I’m getting this MM done so late (one hour before midnight), I’m going to share my favorite self-esteem songs. Not all of the artists became favorites, by the way. As sweet as the songs are, I have to like more than one song.

Who Says by Selena Gomez

Only You Can Be You by Cymphonique Miller

What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction

Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars

You’re the One from the Winx In Concert album

My Future Is Their Future

For the past few weeks, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and yesterday, I came to a realization (I seem to do that a lot). Everything I’m doing for my future is not really for me. It’s for my family.

I didn’t want to attend college just yet. They pressured me to do it. I wanted to work for a while first. While I want a job/career related to technology, I took IT merely because it’s said to be one of the highest-paying jobs out there. While I want to be financially secure and not struggling paycheck to paycheck, I don’t care about making more money than everyone else. I don’t need a high-flying career. In fact, I want to be self-employed.

The belief that I need to be making the most money came from my family’s pressure. As long as I can live comfortably and fully support myself, I’m fine with however much I make.

I’m not ruling out college entirely, but I did go for the wrong reasons. I know not everything is fun and games and I don’t expect it to be, but I feel miserable and having my family’s approval isn’t worth that. If this is supposed to be my future, why am I doing nothing for myself and everything for them?

I don’t regret going entirely because I have gotten some good things out of it and if nothing else, I’ve learned I do not have the aptitude for anything with a boatload of science or math, or the patience to sit and be spoon-fed information as if I’m still in high school. Now, I’m trying to consider every option I really do have and see past the path that’s been painted out for me.

What I like most is design and while I wouldn’t want hand-drawing to be more than a hobby, I’d be fine with creating and designing websites being more than one. Maybe there’s a job or career for that. It’ll never be as lucrative as something like IT, but as I said, I don’t care about making more money than everybody else. No amount of money is worth is being miserable.

But I think, above all, I need to stop giving in to pressure. How long is it going to take me to learn that lesson?

Wishful Wednesday: Special Days

My wish for this Wednesday is more of a fantasy than a simple wish.

I know it’s kind of cliche or cheesy, but I always wanted the first time I have sex to be on a special day. The best would be Valentine’s Day for obvious reasons, but I’d love almost any holiday.

  • Valentine’s Day – It’s a day about love! Self-explanatory.
  • My birthday – Again, a rather obvious one. It would be my birthday gift. Especially if it was on a milestone like 20 or 21.
  • Christmas – Same reason as my birthday. It’d be my Christmas gift.
  • New Year’s Day/Eve – Having sex for the first time would be a very special way to ring in the new year or end the previous one with a bang.
  • Thanksgiving – It’s a day to express gratitude and sex is supposed to be a way to express love between two people.
  • Halloween – I’d already be out of character with a costume. Why not more to the “out of character” act?

Of course, no matter what day it happens on, it will be a special day to remember. It may not be a big deal to remember for some people, but it will be for me since I am not a sexual person to begin with.