Kaye's Days

I haven’t posted much because I’ve been at a loss on what to write. In addition to writer’s block, I’ve been struggling with my depression heavily this month. For the time being, I’m calm. Here’s what’s happened so far:

– The summer program has been great – most days anyway. Sometimes, we do things I’m not interested in, but overall, I love it and I’m sad it’s ending soon. August 8th is the final day. We have gone to Staten Island in NY, visited an arcade center with mini-golf, participated in dance activities, and talked multiple times about diversity and social health.

– I have not found a job, but I confess to not trying very hard. I don’t feel confident because I literally have no work experience and I can’t make a résumé, which some entry-level jobs require for the applications. However, I’ve decided I will try to send in at least three applications every week.

– My Sims 3 game was giving me trouble. I finally figured out it was the anti-virus program, but I then had to reinstall all the custom content because I reset the game in an attempt to make it work. The game now works as well as it always did.

– Against my better judgment, I met up with someone twice my age for an outing. We were in a public place, but I allowed him to travel around with me in his car. Being in a car with a total stranger? Not smart. I didn’t really want to meet up with him, but he kept pushing and I was having a bad week and was desperate to feel better and get away for a while. I will never do that again, though. It didn’t end badly. I’m just not interested.

– I am interested in another guy. One who is just a year older than me and lives in a town I previously lived in. He’s never pressured me into meeting up and instead, we talk on Skype from time to time about games and such. For now, he’s a friend, but I hope we can eventually get together.

– I am coming to terms with more and more things every day. Much of it is a mental battle and trying to figure out what’s stopping me from doing certain things. Is it depression, is it because I often feel bad, is it that I’m uncertain how to do it, or am I just plain lazy? I don’t know what to think.

– I continue to receive more support from my friends than my family. Mom constantly throws me not having a job in my face and my sister is a spoiled military daughter. On the bright side, it just confirms that I have to stand alone on my own two feet.

– I’ve gained a new friend. Two new ones, actually.