Just Stay Home!!

I’m going to sound like the most selfish POS in the world right now. And I don’t care!

I am seriously thinking of no longer celebrating Christmas. All I want on my school break is just that: a break. I want a break from everything I deal with so often!

My mom and sister came here and want to spend the night. Why?!? Why can’t they stay home?!? They bother me every weekend! I want to be alone! I don’t get a lot of time to myself. Can’t I have my winter break, please?!?!

I’m sick of my small room being crowded, I’m sick of them inviting themselves over here and I’m sick of being a host! I want to be by myself!! Just stay home!!!

I’m Still Going

I broke the news to my grandfather I want to live on a college campus. As I expected, he didn’t take it well. He said not for the first year and the only reason he could give was he didn’t want me to. You know what? I don’t care. I’m still going.

Unfortunately, I still need his signature for the financial aid forms, but once I get that, I can go to school and I will leave. I’ll be 19 by the time I finish high school. I want to take care of myself! If I have to spend the night before I leave at a friend’s house, I will.

It’s not about being rebellious. It’s about being independent and I can’t do that in this house. Even if I paid rent, I’d still be living under his thumb and I want out of that! No one in their 20s wants to be told what to wear and whatnot or bossed around like a kindergartner. I don’t care if that sounds petty. I just want to leave.

This year can’t end soon enough. January or February is when I will take him to sign the forms. And I will work hard to keep my grades up so I can have enough aid to be able to leave.

I Will Do Anything

On Saturday, I went up to the college I want to attend. Not in New York. I went to a closer campus. I got some disheartening news.

The only way I can afford housing is with loans and that’s only after my tuition is covered, meaning I can only have housing if there is enough money left over.

That saddens me because it means I might be forced to stay here and I really do not want to. Besides the irritation with my grandfather, if I don’t leave in September, there’s a possibility I never will because I swear my grandfather is trying to keep me “his baby” for the rest of my life.

If I have to work two jobs to be able to afford housing, I will. I will do anything to get me out of this house in September 2013. Well, anything except prostitute. That’s where I draw the line.

There was a little bit of good news. One of the financial aid packages is based on my GPA. I think that means I can get more money if my grades are high, assuming it’s based on the GPA of my senior year. So if I study hard and keep my grades high, I might have a chance. I just need to keep myself upbeat and motivated.

In January, I’m going to visit the New York campus and speak to them. I’m going to express my concerns to them. Hopefully, they’ll give me some good news. Until then, I’ll just hope for the best and keep my head held high. I think I’m already on a good track with saving up money and I might try to obtain my license before I leave.

The only thing I’m truly scared of is that I have to take my grandfather to the in-state location I went for him to sign the forms. I wasn’t going to tell him until everything was done, but I guess he’ll know early. I’m worried about how he’ll take it, which probably just emphasizes how much I really need to get out of here.

Sorry, I Want Out

No, not the blog. I’m not leaving the blog. I want out of my house.

When it came time for me to attend college, I originally planned to continue living at home. I didn’t want to live on campus because I had enough of living with people and I hate moving. I didn’t want to move out until I had my own apartment.

Recently, however, I’ve changed my mind. I’m losing my patience and I don’t think I can hold out until I’m 22. I know I have my mom, but I really don’t want to live in a dangerous area of town. The only problem is my grandfather treating me like a child. He simply refuses to acknowledge that I’m not a “baby” anymore and the only thing I’m too young for is alcohol and parenting. I know some people have much worse problems with their families, but I’ve just had enough.

I won’t say what college I want to attend, but the campus is located in in New York City, midtown-Manhattan. I don’t live in the state of New York, but it’s literally a train ride away or two hours by car. I could come back here everyday if I wanted to.

My only concern is the extra expense. I was going to live at home to cut down on expenses, but I’m willing to take it if I can leave home. Besides, it will be good practice. I’ll be entirely on my own and responsible for myself. When I finally get my own apartment, I’ll already be used to taking care of myself. If I budget well, I probably won’t have too much debt on my hands. Plus, I might be able to find a job near campus and that will be a big help. More stress, but a big help. Who said supporting yourself was easy?

Adults do have sleepovers!

Today, at my weekly teen group, we did a few activities. These activities included a hula hoop and a puzzle. It’s not often I wish I could go back to childhood, but today, the nostalgia bug finally bit me. I couldn’t remember the last time I had done a puzzle or played with a hula hoop. I didn’t truly feel sad, but I did feel a little wishful. Not for the things I haven’t done in years, but for the things I never got to do.

Now, I know no one can do everything there is to do in life. It’s just not possible. But there is one I always wanted to do as a child that I never got the chance for: a slumber party.

The only sleepovers I had were with relatives, usually my grandparents. I never once had a sleepover with friends. I thought I had outgrown the desire for one, but doing those childhood activities brought the desire back up. But I thought it must be silly now. I’m 18. Surely, my age is when sleepovers with friends stop, right? Slumber parties are only for teenagers, not adults. Right?

Wrong! I decided to look it up and I found this blog article. I can’t describe the smile that came across my face! Even better were the comments! Almost all of them agreed with the author and some described having sleepovers with their friends on occasion. I don’t feel nostalgic anymore. Now, I’m really looking forward to my 20’s!

I will have a “no alcohol” rule, however! There’s no fun to be had when you’re drunk! Well…there is, but I’d rather the worst consequence be a stomachache, not a hangover.