Kaye's Days

Not long ago, I made a post about how I’m “abnormal” by society’s standards. This post pertains to the last one I mentioned, being childfree.

On a nice forum I frequent, various members mention how they receive or used to receive bingos from people (sometimes family, sometimes friends, sometimes coworkers and sometimes complete strangers) about them being childfree. I think a “bingo” is defined as “an insulting, negative and unwarranted response”. It’s very sad at times because some of these members are or have been mistreated and/or outright harassed by their family, their spouse’s family, their so-called friends or their coworkers or bosses. And it seems like these members seem to think very logically about certain situations and not just ones relating to being childfree.

The only person who I have told I am childfree is my therapist and she was very accepting of it. But I know that when I eventually tell my family, they’re going to give me hell over it and chances are other people, if it comes up, will as well. However, thanks to TCFL, I’ve come up with my own responses to some bingos I’ve read.

“But it’ll be different when it’s your own!”
“I know. I won’t be able to run away!”

“What if you marry a guy who wants kids?”
“I wouldn’t marry him to begin with.”

“What if you have an accidental pregnancy?”
“Then, I’ll have a purposeful abortion.”

“But you said you love kids!”
“I said I love pandas too. I don’t want a panda bear in my house.”

“Your mom didn’t want kids, but she had two!”
“And the only reason we’re here is because she didn’t believe in abortion.”

“Don’t you want someone to play with?”
“Isn’t that what my dog is for?”

“But pets and kids are different!”
“I know. Pets aren’t as expensive or aggravating and won’t wake me up at 4 AM.”

“Don’t you want to give your parents grandkids?”
“My parents didn’t want biological kids!”

“There’s something wrong with a woman who doesn’t want children.”
“No, there isn’t, but there is something wrong with a person who thinks they have the right to criticize someone else for a choice that doesn’t affect them or anyone else.”

“But it’s against God’s will!”
“So are premarital sex and divorce, yet people do that all the time.”

“You’ll regret it!”
“No, but if I were to have kids, I know I would regret them.”

“You’ll change your mind.”
“Nope, but I will change my socks.”

“But you’d make a great mom!”
“Thanks, but I still do not want to be one.”

“You don’t know true love until you have a child!”
“So I take it you don’t feel your spouse, your parents, your siblings and the rest of your family loves you?”

“Don’t you want a family?”
“I grew up in a family. Having kids is not starting a family. It’s adding to an existing one and I do not want to add to mine.”

“But who will take care of you when you’re old?”
“The savings I will have by that time and possibly a nursing home.”

“You could have a child who grows up to cure cancer!”
“I could also have a child who grows up to be a murderer and, frankly, I think the latter’s more likely.”

“You’re so selfish!”
“No, I am not, but you are selfish for believing you have the right to shove your beliefs down someone’s throat.”

“You can’t understand because you don’t have kids.”
“You can’t understand because you do have kids” OR “No one needs to have kids to know misbehavior when they see it” (if this is said in response to being upset over a child acting up)

“All women wants kids!”
“You’re talking to one who doesn’t and what century do you think this is?”

“You’re not a real woman if you don’t have kids.”
“So I guess women like Susan Smith (a mother who drowned her kids), Andrea Yates (drowned her five children) and Casey Anthony are real women, even though they murdered their kids?”

(If I get married) “Why did you get married if you don’t want children?”
“Because I’m in love with my husband and don’t think of him as a sperm donor?”

“You were a child once.”
“And it sucked!”

“Having children is a woman’s greatest achievement.”
“In the 1800s.”

“Childbirth isn’t that bad and you get to have a baby!”
“I once had a broken leg. I got a whole week out of school for it and still hated it!”

“Being a mother makes you a better person.”
“Go work in child protective services for a couple of months and see what they say.”

I hope I never get bingoed, but if I do, that’s what I will say or some variation of it.