I’m Different? Hooray!

As a child, I was often picked on. Most of it consisted of being called ugly everyday, but it was more than that. I would be hated and targeted for no reason other than I was there. At elementary school, in middle school (transferred), in every summer camp I went to. Almost nothing but bullying. This continued all the way up until high school, where it finally began to tone down and now, it has entirely stopped.

Because those experiences were highly unpleasant, I don’t like reflecting on them. However, after a lot of growing and developing, I think I realize why those kids picked on me, besides the fact that they were spoiled brats who weren’t taught respect. The reason? I was different.

Don’t ask me how because I don’t know how. I don’t know what about me separated me from them. What I do know is I have never been part of the “in” crowd. Never liked much of what everyone else like, never had much to say, never was interested in gossip. High school, my second one, seems to have changed this and I’ve been accepted as an individual, which I’m extremely grateful for.

However, I’m still not the same as them. I’ve discovered I have a lot of things about me that society as a whole would hate me for, if I were to reveal them. A nice little site I frequent has come up with a name for people who don’t fit stereotypes: a cultural rebel. The site defines it as “an individual who has a major preference or hobby outside of what is culturally expected of him or her.” While I’m not exactly “rebelling” against anything (and not trying to), I have to admit I like that tag. No, I would not want to be referred to as such in person, but I like being different and that I am going outside the norm of what culture and society expects.

Also, I’ve always hated being the same. This is why having to wear uniform in school bugs me so much, even though I understand it’s an attempt to keep focus on learning and not clothing. My school has also inadvertently thrown out their ability to enforce the idea of tolerance (seriously, how can they tell students to be tolerant of each other’s differences when they’ve got everyone looking like clones of each other? They can’t!).

Here are the things about me that put me out of society’s normal standards:

  • Atheism
  • Pacifism
  • Introversion
  • Analytical
  • Bisexual/Asexual
  • Childfree

Rather than go into detail about those things here, I’m going to create a page about it. I do know that once I am out in the “real world” on my own and these things come to light, there is going to be a lot of pressure and I want to remember that I am happy to have these things about myself, even if others may not like them. In a way, I have already dealt with that pressure due to issue with certain staff at my school, but that’s nothing compared to what I may face when I am on my own.

I would like to remind and encourage everybody who goes against society’s standards that there is nothing wrong with you. You are fine. Remember, long ago, society’s standards were actually quite different from what they are now. Imagine how we would be living if there weren’t people back then who went against society’s “normal” standards and just sucked it up. My personal belief is that everyone should be free to live their life how they want, as long as their lifestyle does not negatively affect anyone.

In The Future…

When I was a child, I was often asked the age-old question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” For as long as I can remember, my answer, stated with excitement, was always, “A vet!” Of course, little 8-year-old me did not know being a veterinarian was very hard work and more than just checking a cute kitten’s ears or listening for a sweet puppy’s heartbeat. No, she only wanted to hug animals and make them feel better because she loved them.

Now that I am much older, my personality and interests have changed. I still have a love for animals of all kinds (except snakes; they terrify me), but I have no desire to be a vet. Besides a change in interests, I have also learned what I can and cannot handle. I could not do eight extra years of schooling and, truthfully, nothing in the medical field is good for me because I am too squeamish and don’t do well under extreme pressure (or minor pressure, for that matter).

So now, I want to study IT after I graduate high school. That is a field I’m certain I would do well in, if not excel, and anything with a code and buttons can hold my attention for a good hour. I probably should never admit this to anyone, but I want to be capable of hacking someday. No, that does mean I will become a criminal, but that is how good I want to be. Or, at least, be able to bypass passwords. 😉

While a career is my main focus, there are more things I hope to do in my future. One of my biggest goals is to buy a house. There is actually one I already have my eye on, but I doubt it will be available in ten to twenty more years. I also know I want to be married someday, but in regards to marriage and purchasing a house, I have created a rule: I will not marry until after I have bought a house.

The reason for this is simple. While I don’t wish for it to happen, if I get married and it doesn’t work out, there will be no question about who gets to keep the house. In the most basic statement possible: my house, I bought it, he gets out. In fact, I have made it my goal in life to be financially independent (which also means there will be no joint bank accounts). Besides that, I hate having to rely heavily on others, I have seen what happens to people who are dependent on others, whether it be their spouse or their family. If a break-up occurs, it doesn’t turn out well.

There is one more thing I want in my future and, hopefully, it will be one of the first things I can attain because I feel it’s the most important: an IUD. That’s right. I do not want any children, but, unfortunately, I have heard there aren’t too many doctors who believe a woman in her 20s is old enough to decide what to do with her body. Because of that ridiculously ignorant moral, sterilization will have to wait until I’m in my 30s, but there is some minor good news. I was informed that IUDs are slightly more effective than some forms of sterilization. The keyword in that sentence is “slight”, but that is enough for me to be happy. As long as it will keep me from having children, I’ll take it!

I wasn’t sure about writing this and placing it as a post, but I want this blog to last for years and I don’t ever want to forget what I thought as an 18-year-old. Sometimes, I wonder what my 8-year-old self would think of me. If I could go back in time and visit her, what would she say about me? Would she like me? Would she be proud of who I am/who she became? Who knows? But there’s no sense in thinking about that, other than for amusement. With my high school life coming to an end, it’s best I focus on the future right now.